They can be so mysterious. Sometimes I think we only remember their lives beginning when we did but there was a lot they experienced before they met us. Your Mother was so young when she died, she didn’t get much of a chance to live did she. I’m glad you can find some lovely memories, like you my Mum died young and my memories aren’t all positive but I know I was loved and that is really all that matters!
Thank you Jayne, yes my mother had a pretty traumatic life, with a stroke at 16 and then MS taking over in her early 30s. I can't say I was ever told I was loved by either parent but, as you said, I do have happy memories with her:) I am sure she is looking after Rico - she loved birds.
Wow Lee! You expressed what so many want to say but an experience unique to you. Sad, deep, human. After all you said, I have to say, I honor your resilience! Happy Mother's Day to all-Thinking of mine today.
Lee, as I was once told by a dear friend when I vented about my mom, "Just remember she's
doing the best she knows how to do." I never saw her in the same way after that. What I
perceived as weakness was actually a quiet kind of strength - This young woman, not very worldly,
boarded a passenger freighter in the summer of 1944 - alone, and on her way to meet her husband's family in Buenos Aires. My dad had gone ahead to build their house. She remained
deferential to her husband, but not subservient. Her strength is what kept him going. She passed in July 2005, a few days before her 88th birthday. Dad passed 3 months later. He was 92.
Even though I was with her when she took that last breath, and knew I'd said all I wanted to, it was
only later the realization came of all that I didn't ASK.
It's difficult for even grown "children" to see their parents as unique individuals with names other
than mom and dad. We seldom learn about their secret desires, or dashed dreams, and not much
about who they were before they were out parents.
Your mom had many challenges to navigate, not the least of which were the physical ones.
But if not for your mom's early care of you, in those most important years, you wouldn't be who
you are today. I'm glad you had the time you did with her. You, and we here - by extension, are richer for it.
Thank you, Lee, for this insightful and beautiful reflection.
Thank you, Suzi. My mother certainly did not have the easiest time growing up. It was in fact her own mother that caused her to have a stroke at age 16. I think things would have been a lot difference if illness hadn't taken her so young.
Some lives are filled with so much suffering and isn't fair. But then life isn't fair. I don't mean that to sound flip or cold - maybe there's no good answer. Your life would probably have been a lot different if she lived into old age - all you can do is wonder.
Change one thing, then all things from that point would be changed. The experience
of losing a mom when one is so young is not an easy thing for me to imagine.
Writing about a difficult relationship with Mothers is really hard and you just wrote beautifully about yours. I am sending you huge hugs and love from London 🙏
A very heartfelt and honest testimonial of your relationship with your mother, Lee. I appreciate how fortunate I've been to have the mother that I do. She lost her own mother at 13 or 14, which I can only imagine how that must have affected her just as she was becoming a young woman. Her dad, my grandfather, was fortunately a responsible and by all her accounts an uncommonly decent man who was not bigoted in any way. My dad's mother in comparison was a bit overly protective, perhaps smothering but also less emotionally available; his dad, my grandfather, was a commercial pilot so I can assume he wasn't always around either, though he (like my dad) never shirked his responsibilities to his family, at least in terms of material care. I like to believe they all did the best they knew how to do, too. ;^)
I also like to believe that beyond this life is ... well, not necessarily an existence in which we remain the people we are/were--not some kind of heaven but ... a wholeness in which all things are understood, all misunderstandings unmade, and all distances closed. I don't know this to be true, of course, but it works for me.
Happy Mother's Day to the all the mothers out there! Thanks as always, Lee.
After reading Jayne's statement about our mothers having a life before us I decided to add another comment. Like you Lee,affection from my mother...NONE. In fact, from a very young age emotions were frowned upon. My mother was never really a "mother" to me until much later in life and even then it was void of any type of communication I won't get into the rest. My point here is that after my mother died I spoke with an older cousin (my grandmother's sister's daughter) and learned that my mother's mom, as well as her sisters, never provided affection, never a hug. So if my mom grew up in that environment, that's all she knew. So how was she supposed to provide anything different? And just a few months ago, 11-12 years after she passed. I had a thought (as well as some compassion towards her)-How was her life effected by my father's habitual cheating and just being the horrible person that he was? Their final separation took place when I was 5, my brother 1. I can only imagine the toll that took on her life while having to raise two children. So, while, I still live with the lack of parenting, I at least have some understanding.
Mothers.
They can be so mysterious. Sometimes I think we only remember their lives beginning when we did but there was a lot they experienced before they met us. Your Mother was so young when she died, she didn’t get much of a chance to live did she. I’m glad you can find some lovely memories, like you my Mum died young and my memories aren’t all positive but I know I was loved and that is really all that matters!
Thank you Jayne, yes my mother had a pretty traumatic life, with a stroke at 16 and then MS taking over in her early 30s. I can't say I was ever told I was loved by either parent but, as you said, I do have happy memories with her:) I am sure she is looking after Rico - she loved birds.
Wow Lee! You expressed what so many want to say but an experience unique to you. Sad, deep, human. After all you said, I have to say, I honor your resilience! Happy Mother's Day to all-Thinking of mine today.
Thank you, Mindy:)
Lee, as I was once told by a dear friend when I vented about my mom, "Just remember she's
doing the best she knows how to do." I never saw her in the same way after that. What I
perceived as weakness was actually a quiet kind of strength - This young woman, not very worldly,
boarded a passenger freighter in the summer of 1944 - alone, and on her way to meet her husband's family in Buenos Aires. My dad had gone ahead to build their house. She remained
deferential to her husband, but not subservient. Her strength is what kept him going. She passed in July 2005, a few days before her 88th birthday. Dad passed 3 months later. He was 92.
Even though I was with her when she took that last breath, and knew I'd said all I wanted to, it was
only later the realization came of all that I didn't ASK.
It's difficult for even grown "children" to see their parents as unique individuals with names other
than mom and dad. We seldom learn about their secret desires, or dashed dreams, and not much
about who they were before they were out parents.
Your mom had many challenges to navigate, not the least of which were the physical ones.
But if not for your mom's early care of you, in those most important years, you wouldn't be who
you are today. I'm glad you had the time you did with her. You, and we here - by extension, are richer for it.
Thank you, Lee, for this insightful and beautiful reflection.
Thank you, Suzi. My mother certainly did not have the easiest time growing up. It was in fact her own mother that caused her to have a stroke at age 16. I think things would have been a lot difference if illness hadn't taken her so young.
Some lives are filled with so much suffering and isn't fair. But then life isn't fair. I don't mean that to sound flip or cold - maybe there's no good answer. Your life would probably have been a lot different if she lived into old age - all you can do is wonder.
Change one thing, then all things from that point would be changed. The experience
of losing a mom when one is so young is not an easy thing for me to imagine.
Writing about a difficult relationship with Mothers is really hard and you just wrote beautifully about yours. I am sending you huge hugs and love from London 🙏
Thank you so much Annie:))
Thank you for letting me get to know you this way, Lee. ❤️
Thank you for reading, Jody:)
Nice to see you here
A very heartfelt and honest testimonial of your relationship with your mother, Lee. I appreciate how fortunate I've been to have the mother that I do. She lost her own mother at 13 or 14, which I can only imagine how that must have affected her just as she was becoming a young woman. Her dad, my grandfather, was fortunately a responsible and by all her accounts an uncommonly decent man who was not bigoted in any way. My dad's mother in comparison was a bit overly protective, perhaps smothering but also less emotionally available; his dad, my grandfather, was a commercial pilot so I can assume he wasn't always around either, though he (like my dad) never shirked his responsibilities to his family, at least in terms of material care. I like to believe they all did the best they knew how to do, too. ;^)
I also like to believe that beyond this life is ... well, not necessarily an existence in which we remain the people we are/were--not some kind of heaven but ... a wholeness in which all things are understood, all misunderstandings unmade, and all distances closed. I don't know this to be true, of course, but it works for me.
Happy Mother's Day to the all the mothers out there! Thanks as always, Lee.
Thank you for sharing and, as always for your support:))
After reading Jayne's statement about our mothers having a life before us I decided to add another comment. Like you Lee,affection from my mother...NONE. In fact, from a very young age emotions were frowned upon. My mother was never really a "mother" to me until much later in life and even then it was void of any type of communication I won't get into the rest. My point here is that after my mother died I spoke with an older cousin (my grandmother's sister's daughter) and learned that my mother's mom, as well as her sisters, never provided affection, never a hug. So if my mom grew up in that environment, that's all she knew. So how was she supposed to provide anything different? And just a few months ago, 11-12 years after she passed. I had a thought (as well as some compassion towards her)-How was her life effected by my father's habitual cheating and just being the horrible person that he was? Their final separation took place when I was 5, my brother 1. I can only imagine the toll that took on her life while having to raise two children. So, while, I still live with the lack of parenting, I at least have some understanding.
Glad you were able to post this one, Lee. Hope you and Pica are adjusting to the new quarters. Peace and Love.
Hi, yes we are finally organized:)