Toxic Masculinity

Never has there been a more important time to put toxic masculinity under the spotlight for discussion. I mean we are currently looking at a prime example of an extremely toxic male trying to snarl and spit his way back into office. However, don’t get me started on that, there are other people better qualified to psycho-analyze that tyrant.

I will instead focus on the term itself and what it means in today’s world. Actually, the seeds of this post were sown not at the Republican National Conference (though it was full of it) but at the gym!

Yes, I was in the gym the other day just gazing around between sets and I could not help but notice all the peacock behavior of males strutting around in an effort to look too tough to tango. As someone who was involved in the gym scene for decades (primarily in the bodybuilding world) I am no stranger to watching bodybuilders preen, pose, and flex before gym mirrors in an attempt to elicit gasps of admiration from all those around them. However, my post trigger happened at Planet Fitness – not known as a strutting ground for egotistical bodybuilders. Perhaps overcompensation is what I was viewing. However, I found it laughable that these men (boys) found it necessary to exert their dominance in such a supposedly judgment-free zone (if you believe the ads).

Okay, so that is toxic masculinity in the gym but what about in everyday life? How prevalent is it and, more to the point what exactly is it?

Well if you go to some online descriptions you will find things like :

“Academically speaking, toxic masculinity is the way men are culturally trained and socially pressured to behave. Its three core tenants, toughness, anti-femininity, and power, range in expression from person to person, but all combine to create the sense of manliness”

A few examples include telling boys to “man up” when they feel upset or justifying abusive and inappropriate behavior with the phrase “boys will be boys.” Toxic masculinity can be defined as “the need to compete and dominate others aggressively and encompasses the most problematic proclivities in men.

Traits of toxic masculinity include themes of:

• unconditional physical toughness

• showing physical aggression

• being unwilling to share emotions

• showing discrimination toward people who aren’t heterosexual

• practicing hyper independence

• exhibiting sexual aggression or violence

• exhibiting anti-feminist behavior

• championing heterosexuality as the unalterable norm

• being violent

• being dominant

• having emotional insensitivity

Another example from my own life occurs quite frequently while walking down the street. A woman is simply walking in front of me minding her own business when a nearby guy feels the need to adjust his stance so that he can get a better look and stare at her – like he has never seen a woman before. I must admit, in a situation like that I often step forward in a way that impedes his view. Just one side step towards blocking toxic masculinity:)

There are also the guys who go out shopping with their girlfriends and feel the need to mansplain every item she looks at or act ‘extra’ with the store assistants. If I was in her position I would likely pretend I did not know him.

Of course, I have focused on some of the smaller infractions here and there are far worse examples of toxic masculinity around in society today. If you want to add your thoughts feel free in the comments section.

However, I have to acknowledge the women who feel that society is going to the opposite extreme and men are suddenly becoming hyper emotional. For example, when I mentioned this article to a friend of mine she responded by saying that men are behaving more like women these days…and I do see that side too. In a lot of ways modern man is becoming more in touch with his emotions and there is nothing wrong with that. It is perhaps a learning curve though until balance is achieved.We don’t need men to weep at the sight of a butterfly to prove they have an emotional body, but by the same token, we also don’t need them to leap into fight mode at the slightest provocation.

Also, if you really want to get into behavioral examination, toxic behavior is not just a male domain, it’s just that ‘toxic femininity’ is not a term we are familiar with. I say that only half joking.

Perhaps, if we remove the gender equation, we just need to work towards removing toxic behavior in general, and, reflecting on my opening observations, that may be something we get an opportunity to begin in the near future.