Bodybuilding Memories

Looking through the rear mirror at my time in the bodybuilding industry

There were so many crazy things that happened to me when I entered the world of bodybuilding. Some were fun, some gave me life lessons, and some were downright unjust. However, for now, let’s just look at how I got mixed up in that crazy world in the first place…

So how does someone who has been crippled with anorexia since the age of 13 decide to get involved in the world of bodybuilding? It’s not as outrageous a move as it sounds, and many people involved in bodybuilding have grades of eating disorders. It comes down to exchanging one form of control for another. For example, when I got involved in bodybuilding, it had absolutely nothing to do with creating a body that would appear more masculine. Indeed, any thoughts of transitioning from female to male at that time were not only out of my head but for me, I thought out of the realm of possibility. I had entered a zone where I sat on the fence of gender and removed myself from any activity that may demand me to assume a gender. I was visibly invisible in terms of sexual orientation and gender.

My involvement in bodybuilding was an interesting diversion, to say the least. When I suffered from anorexia nervosa, I controlled my calories so as not to gain weight. Indeed, the goal was to eat so little that I would lose weight. When I embarked on the unlikely pursuit of bodybuilding, I recorded the number of calories I consumed by laboriously writing them down in a daily food diary in terms of proteins, fats, and carbohydrates. The ideal was to eat in a way that any calories consumed over the bare minimum needed to function would be turned into muscle not fat, thus producing a pleasing aesthetic rather than allowing any fat to accumulate on my body. I can remember writing in my training diary (that was basically a food log) a reassurance that now I need not worry as all calories consumed would appear on my body as muscle. At that time I could tell you every day, within a margin of error, how many grams of protein, fat, and carbohydrate I had consumed that day. When you look at it like that it is the most welcoming pastime for anyone with an unhealthy relationship with food. I say pastime as the longer I stayed in the world of bodybuilding the harder it was for me to call it a sport. At best, it becomes a performance art when you compete. At worst, it is pure self-absorption, and it can isolate you from real life as your whole world is filled with working out, eating, and resting. Yes, resting so you can grow. Indeed if you immerse yourself totally in this hobby you become somewhat akin to a houseplant.

Oh, some will shudder in disgust at this description of bodybuilding, but I have reached that wonderful age where I do not care anymore. In the late 1980s and throughout the 90s and even till about 2015 I was pretty caught up in the world of bodybuilding, though after I would say 2010, I was consciously removing myself. At one point I was involved as a consultant on a bodybuilding movie (that has yet to be made). I was even due to play the part of, low and behold myself! The whole process dragged on for about six years with my involvement, and as each year went by, it became increasingly draining. I would be introduced by the writer as someone who was “deeply immersed” in the world of bodybuilding. However, at that time it felt like I was drowning in it. I had less than zero interest. I had indeed started to find the whole thing repulsive so in many ways, it was a relief when production on the movie was stopped by the Covid 19 lockdown. I saw some attempt at resuscitating it afterwards but I was never contacted again. Perhaps they needed people who still thought it was a new idea, who knows?

During my heyday in the sport, though, I became pretty well-known as a writer on the topic in the UK. I was a contributing editor on just about every single magazine on the newsstands. I was elevated to Ladies’ Editor on one magazine and Showbiz Editor on one endorsed by Arnold Schwarzenegger. Had it not been for my involvement in bodybuilding I may never have seen New York City and decided to make my home here. So, though I came to dislike it intensely, it did serve a purpose that was indeed life-changing. I even did what no writer should do: I competed in four contests in Scotland. I say that no writer should do this as you do set yourself up as a target, and I was an easy target as I was so painfully thin. On my first contest, I wound up my publicity machine to ridiculous levels, appearing on television, and being featured in the national newspapers. I capitalized on the whole ‘from anorexic to bodybuilder’ storyline. It was a great spin for the media, and I even wrote an article on it myself, ‘From Body Wrecker to Bodybuilder.’ I shudder at that title now as it was not only ridiculous but a gross exaggeration. I was still controlling my food, still very thin, albeit fit, and looked far from how one would expect a bodybuilder to look.

Bodywrecker to Bodybuilder when I was writing under the name K L Newton

My competition years were thankfully short. You see the most painful thing for me was having to wear a bikini on contest day. It was remarkably uncomfortable, not to mention the fact that I had to wear make-up on stage. Yes competing as a woman was not for me. I competed in four shows in Scotland, gained four tin trophies for my efforts, and put that beast firmly to bed. Oh, and before you begin to think that the winning of those trophies was because I was so outstanding it was due to the lack of another person in the line-up to present a trophy to. Yes, Scotland was still a little slow to embrace bodybuilding as far as women were concerned. It was still a source of amusement to me further down the line when competitors would boast about their second, third, and fourth-place trophies when there were only two, three, and four people in their category. Is that being mean of me to say that? Oh well, what can I say, I am just an observer of the unintentionally comedic in life.

As I alluded to before, I remained a writer in bodybuilding long after I had tired of it. I think the main factor in my leaving was the accusation of plagiarism that was hurled at me for one article that appeared on a bodybuilding website. It was only when I revisited that whole ridiculous episode that I realized that it still angered me. Not because it caused me to leave the website I was writing for, I was glad to leave, but just the total infantile hypocrisy of it all. I can only assume from that experience that if you are told to write an article about a person who is difficult to get words out of and are instructed to garner as many quotes from this person as possible and construct a new interview around them, that is fine. But if you should do this on your own to cover a very important subject, then it is a despicable act that subjects you to ridicule in the meathead forums. Such high literary criticism is more than most could survive, and yes I am being sarcastic. However, whilst on the subject of plagiarism I would be remiss if I did not mention the number of times my work has been used and the credit taken by someone else. A whole booklet about Arnold Schwarzenegger once met that fate. In that instance, I was too shocked to say a word considering who the theft of my entire copy was, and that is all I will say.

The cover and a page from THAT booklet

Bodybuilding websites are an odd beast that would be deserving of their own chapter if I had any interest left in me. However, as I do not I will spare you all from my analysis of the motivations behind many of their creators.

Getting back on track though, I did survive this trial by the uninformed, in fact, I thrived as it forced me out of a subject I had no interest in anymore and was merely doing it for the money. I did write a couple more articles a year or so later but did them for friends and received no payment. One of those articles brought with it its own set of issues. Who would have thought that such a minority niche would induce so many headaches? On this occasion, a female bodybuilder was arrested for prostitution. Now let me explain a little on that topic… there is a rarely talked about side of bodybuilding where both female and male competitors engage in a side hustle known in the industry as ‘sessions’. These are one-on-one interactions with bodybuilding fans, sometimes referred to as muscle worship. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors during these meetings and it is known that lines are sometimes crossed when it comes to what services are exchanged for money. It is a weird fetish niche that I always found absurd. Now the female bodybuilder who was accused of prostitution crossed those lines and was arrested by an undercover police officer. She had a court case scheduled and begged me to interview her so she could put some of her side of the story across. I agreed to this, as it was at least a departure from standard bodybuilding reporting. However, once her case was over and she was cleared of any charges that would entail jail time she suddenly wanted that article removed from the internet as it was damaging her new career. The incident had caused her to reassess her business endeavors and she wanted to move on to other things. This of course was admirable but the task of getting anything off of the internet entirely was not easy. There are always people who copy and paste your articles without your permission (now that is plagiarism) so many copies of it are out there beyond the original. The whole battle for its removal went on for quite some time and in the meantime, she broke all contact with me. She regretted the incident and did not want to be reminded of it, which is understandable. However, I did not beg to do the article I was the recipient of the begging. Just another crazy thing that happened to me in that strange little world.

On the plus side, I did write some articles that I am still proud of, and managed to tell some amazing personal stories about people in the industry that may never have been told had I not wanted to stray away from the tedious interviews that were the mainstay of bodybuilding publications.

Today I see bodybuilding as a pastime that people become way too consumed by. It is also a pastime that has become more and more about drug use. In my time in the sport, I did indulge in selling steroids on a very small level to a handful of people. The fact is that many people do this as there is no money to be made in bodybuilding unless you are at the very highest level. Even then most of the money you earn goes towards your ridiculous dietary requirements, supplement regime (OTC and pharmaceutical), and contest expenses. The people in control of the contests have been adding more and more categories to each contest as each competitor pays an entry fee and brings friends and family to shows to pay for seats. Also attaining professional status has become easier with more and more pro cards being dished out at shows. Reaching professional status today is so much easier than it was in the 80s and 90s. There is also a level of great delusion when it comes to this award of professional status. It does not bestow instant riches on you and indeed it makes competing even harder as the shows are fewer and the competition you face greater. Many go from professional status to obscurity as a result.

What some bodybuilders fail to realize is that they are not celebrities. I often used to come across people who wanted me to tell everyone they were a ‘pro’ and to look them up online. Oh, how I fought back the urge to tell them that no one I am talking to cares. Indeed if we took away the drugs from this hobby it would be the greatest leveler. People may be seen as having a healthy physique that was attainable rather than a body constructed on anabolic steroids. Bodybuilders who rose to prominence in the last couple of decades are dying well before their time and it has nothing to do with vaccines or pandemics, it has everything to do with drug use. Like any addict, they will use every reason for the rising death toll other than the truth, as the truth might force them to think again about the substances they are taking.

I often wonder if bodybuilding is something that has indeed gotten progressively worse over the years or was it that those who participated in their youth were too naïve to see what was happening. I can count myself among the naïve as I too foolishly thought when I saw the magazine covers in the 1980s that those bodies were the result of vitamins and protein powders. Of course, you have many people who claim to have built their physiques naturally and the general public may be fooled but an educated eye is not going to entertain such nonsense.

So where is the future of bodybuilding? I find it hard to care but if I had to say something I would say if it carries on like it is today it will ultimately self-destruct along with its participants. The use of drugs has become so prevalent that even people entering the gym for the first time with an interest in bodybuilding are asking about drugs. For me I have no interest in bodybuilding but do go to a gym chain most bodybuilders laugh at (which is fine by me) twice a week just to satisfy my vanity. And the best part of my current mindset is that if I have to miss a day I do not beat myself up about it. I have graduated from that restrictive thought pattern and now realize that life itself is more important, as are the people in my life, and I am not willing to put anyone or anything on hold just so that I may enter the gym as scheduled.

Here are links to a few of my bodybuilding articles during my Stateside years in the industry

Don't Stop Believing, Sheila Bleck

Sally McNeil This Is My Story My two-part interview from jail with bodybuilder Sally McNeil went on to form the foundation for a Netflix Documentary, Killer Sally

Sally McNeil, Part 2

Melody Spetko